I start this blog, like all the blogs I’ve done before it, with a quote. It is such a powerful quote, here it is again, “Never forget what you are, the rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor and it can never be used to hurt you.” I recently ventured into the Game of Thrones realm. (BTW- OMG!! I guess some trends are worth investigation!! I LOVE IT!!) This quote struck me in the gut. It is muttered to Snow by Tyrion when Snow shows shame in being the bastard child of Stark. I will share it’s importance to me now.
I was recently involved with someone. I don’t know how else to say that. We were seeing one another, but I don’t believe he really had much intention of sticking around ever, OH but the fun he had toying about with me. ANYWAY, we talked an awful lot about my past. You see, my friends, I have quite a promiscuous one. *Gasp* That is right! While we were involved, he tended to make me very shameful of this fact. He asked for a number. “Why is that important?” I still don’t see the difference it makes, but ah well. I gave him a rough estimate. You see there is a shame. There is a fear. Hell no one likes judgement to be passed upon them. Especially someone who has cared so much about how others look at her. The number was not satisfactory to him. He said that it showed that I “didn’t treat sex as the sacred act it was.” After we stopped seeing one another, one of the many times we stopped seeing each other, I made a list…
Yep. I listed out every person that I have ever “bumped uglies” with. Curious??? Too bad! It is MY list. MY Number. NONE of your business or anyone else’s, unless I specifically choose to discuss that with you! Instead, here is a percentage of my encounters, a stat if you will. 75% of the people I have gone to bed with I either wanted to date, we did date, or they became my significant other. So kindly stick that up your sacred ass and smoke it! =)
Why do I have sex? Why does anyone have sex? It’s nice! It feels good to be close to someone. For me, it also depends on my mood or what I am going through. Most times, I have sex because I like someone, and care about them, and want to have an intimate moment with that someone. Sometimes, I just don’t give a shit. Could be that I was recently involved, it ended not the way I’d hoped, and so I just wanna get some. (No, not this time, but there have been times.) Sometimes I am a little drunk and feeling a little more fun and fancy free. Sometimes I just don’t know how to say no. I don’t like hurting other people’s feelings or making someone else feel rejected, so it happens. But really, it doesn’t matter why. Even when I don’t give a flying fuck, who is anyone to say what is sacred to me? Every person I have ever had sex with, I had some kind of connection with. May that be friendship, consensual sexship, or a deeper connecting relationship. There is but one exception. I will not say his name.. Matt… oops… okay I won’t say his full name. Deal? 😉 The only person I ever regret letting touch me in any way. He has been so careless, and he did not deserve me. F that guy!
This last guy will be the last to use this against me and make me feel like shit for who I have been. Maybe this means that I have no future with a man, but I am thinking that would not be such a terrible thing after all. I may have been intimate with an uncomfortable amount of boys, but the right man would love me for me., past faults and present flaws. Anyone who truly gets to know me, finds that I am honest, faithful, kind, and loving, and I have been known to make another laugh at least once before. I would not change who I have been with for the world (excluding the exception… forget that guy.. seriously!)
I have had some of the best times getting to know some fascinating people in the most intimate way there is. My armor is on now. You can’t hurt THIS bitch with THAT nonsense. So, move along and get outta here… =)